Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Against Medical Advice

Modern medicine has confirmed what many of my exes have long suspected: I have an atrial septal defect, otherwise known as "ASD" or a hole in the heart.

Faced with this potentially life altering medical condition, there was only one course of action I could take. Fly to France, forge the required medical certificate for the Paris Marathon, participate in said marathon (which I only ran 13 miles of, I mean, let's be practical, I do have a hole in my heart) and then travel on to Amsterdam. 


Amsterdam is an easy destination match for an ASD diagnosis. With its cannabis coffee shops and red-light district, the Dutch seem like the sort of people who are likely to appreciate my genetic inclination to pass out in bars.