Saturday, November 29, 2014

The Cadillac of Cacti

How long does a relationship with a younger guy last? Roughly as long as he does in bed. I thought I was pretty clever when I started casually seeing a younger guy. Simple, relaxed, easy. A welcome break from the sometimes stressful DC dating circuit.

DC is teeming with urban Alphas. When dating these career-driven capitalists or political heavy hitters there's an underlying pressure to be constantly on your "A Game." To be engaging, outgoing, smart, to know the right people, and the right things to say. And it should all come in a vogue, pilate-toned package.

Being with a baby-faced Beta was refreshing at first, like caring for a low maintenance houseplant. It didn't need much water, specific periods of daylight, or fancy plant food. It was the cactus of relationships. Completely content—arguably happier—with my "B Game." But freedom from a more demanding relationship comes at a price: the realization that even the Cadillac of Cacti, is ultimately still a cactus. Flora and dating's lowest performing stock.

Younger men can teach you things about dating you didn't know you didn't know. For example, watching him play video games is a date. Drunken 3:00am phone calls asking for a ride to Virginia so he can play lasertag, also a date. Explaining to him how a 401k works for the fifth time—"So, you're telling me there's like no running in it at all. Cause Babe, I'm not trying to disagree, but my ultimate frisbee team had some pretty good points."—not a date, but no one's allowed to judge you if you sleep with someone after helping to secure their financial future.

Limited relationship longevity aside, my Cactus did help me reach an epiphany—which can be harder to have as you get older—dating in DC is tough and it's tempting to slack, settle or end up with someone who's not right for you out of loneliness, convenience, or various social pressures. But did you know there are 2,000 types of Cacti in world? I find that comforting when facing the daunting task of DC dating. Some day, I'll find that one special prick that's meant for me.   

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