Sunday, November 13, 2016

That's great! It starts with an earthquake

What if Michael Stipe was onto something?

Usually my study of the bible involves skimming the water-to-wine story while waiting for the scotch to kick in, but now the words "President-elect Donald Trump" can be said outside of a psychiatric ward 

Image result for trump

and protest flood the streets, Doomsday prophets are fearing ends times in 2017. It was time to flip to the back of this thousand-page paperweight and see how the story ends.

Revelations probably won't make it onto Oprah's Book Club list. Compared to the rest of the New Testament, it's a real downer. A lot fewer McFish sandwich miracles, a lot more multi-headed beasts.

Much of Revelations reads like an exaggerated bar story. Like the Apostles were hanging out one night and John had a little too much shakar. "Wait, wait guys so I was sayin' this beast 
has these five—no seven—seven heads! An' ten horns, like at least ten horns!" Thomas is rolling his eyes and Matthew is pissed off because he always ends up being the designated driver, "Goddammit John, that beast has more heads every time you tell the story, what's up, you said you could hang!"

Personally, I feel a little mislead that after twenty-six books featuring the sort of easy-going, son-giving, non-vengeful God you feel like you could have a real future with...he decides to smite the shit out of us after all.

Talk about a misleading Match profile:

seeking women 25-39
within 20 miles of the Mountain of Zion

Have kids: Yes, they sometimes live at home (1)
Faith: Spiritual but not religious
Interests: Loving mankind, forgiving their sins

Drink: Social Drinker

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