Meg Ryan is a LIAR

Romantic comedies have told us a lot of lies over the years. They would have us believe that the following gestures are the height of romance:

Emotional reunion in the rain;
Extended dance sequence;
Feeding one another (let the record show the only time it's ever appropriate to feed a significant other is after one of you has been hit by a bus);
Bathing one another (see above). But the number one, single most over-rated romantic activity of all time:

The Lazy Sunday in bed.

Oh sure, on paper it sounds delightful—a full day devoted entirely to gentle napping with that special someone. But the stark reality is a different story. My most recent "Lazy Sunday" had all the relaxing zen of an internment camp. Ladies, don't be fooled, the moment you set foot in his apartment you're not a guest, you're a POW.

9:00am: The morning's off to a good start with some, er, adult cuddling. But it's a clever tactic to leave defenses lowered. Suddenly I'm ensnared in a snuggle/sleeper hold. There's no countermaneuver. As I lapse into unconsciousness I think, "Must... escape... the dry cleaners... closes at noon..."

3:00pm: W-Where am I? Hungry and disorientated I awaken behind enemy lines. With the fate of my "To-Do" list hanging in the balance, I negotiate for my release. But is that, is that reruns of The Wire I hear?

4:00pm: Morale has stabilized. I was able to convince my captor to allow me food rations so we ordered Chinese. I requested extra hot mustard sauce...but I didn't get any. War is hell.

10:00pm: Stockholm syndrome sets in and the mission fails. There's still a chance I could get to the grocery store today... but first let's watch just one more rerun of Mad Men.

Everything I Know Is Ridiculous - Part IX

5) A man walks into a into a Mobius Strip club. The bouncer says "We have a minimum $100 Klein Bottle service." 

4) Jacob's Ladder is a symbolic link between heaven and earth. While a magic staircase between worldly and heavenly realms is the sort of spiritual fairy dust you'd expect from the New Testament, its origin is a dream from the Book of Genesis.
3) Multiverse, also called parallel or alternate universes, are hypothetical dimensions that exist simultaneously. The concept makes excellent media, literature, and philosophical fodder however numerous noteworthy physicists didn't board that particular quantum physics party bus, most notably Albert Einstein who famously quoted "God does not play dice.."

2) LifeBuzz writes a faith restoring article 29 Signs You're Doing Better Than You Think. Have you made the best of a tough situation? Or overcome the judgment of others? Campaigned for social or political causes? Then Rock Star, it turns out you're actually killing it.
1) The dog days of summer always makes me reminisce about the time I played 7 Minutes in Heaven with Flea, Clarence Thomas, and Meryl Streep.