I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous — everyone hasn't met me yet. ~Rodney Dangerfield


Sunday, June 12, 2011

Family Ties

So I'm visiting my parents this weekend and using their one functioning (of three physical) showers. Mid-lather I hear the muffled voice of my mother outside the door. I can't hear her clearly - because I'm in the shower - so I yell for her to open the bathroom door and ask me whatever question is obviously so important it can't wait the five minutes until I'm out.

She comes into the bathroom, pulls back the shower curtain and asks, as though we were chatting over coffee: "Do you think your brother would think I'm crazy if I told him he's supposed to be in the Army right now because the end of the world is coming? I've been having bad dreams lately like I did before 9-11. Do any of you kids [my brothers and I] have premonitions about bad things happening?"

In fact yes, just recently my horoscope read: You will soon be asked a difficult question...by a crazy woman...whose genetics you happen to share...while wearing nothing but suds.