I awoke Saturday morning to a room littered with French Fries. They were everywhere. On my desk, under my bed, inside my pillowcase, even atop my Omron home blood pressure machine. Fried shrapnel from an interesting evening. It's a great story.
Sunday morning, I found myself in an even stranger environment: St. Paul's Lutheran Church.
In my family the following activities will qualify you as having a "Type A" personality:
Having a To-Do list
Making dinner reservations
Cleaning
Using fabric softener
Getting directions
Purchasing ice from a store
While the above aren't exactly the "classic" traits associated with a Type A Personality, a typical conversation with my parents is as follows:
Me: "It looks like the goats have escaped again, maybe we should fix the fence."
Parents: "Sooo sorry your highness. Someone's gotten used to all those DC folks just spending millions of dollars and fixing fences whenever they want."
Me: "I think we can fix the fence for less than a million dollars. In fact, the Lowes down the street is having a sale on fencing material..."
Parents (with eye roll): "City girl."
And so this winter, Christmas Eve was spent enduring wave after wave of coyote attack because my parents' Great Pyrenees has chosen to stop guarding the goat herd. Even if my upbringing hadn't been influenced by a steady steam of Looney Tunes, I realize it requires a fairly lackadaisical environmental to cause a dog traditionally so loyal to livestock protection, they are sometimes referred to as "The Guardian", to decide to act against thousands of years of care taking instincts.
However, since moving to DC, my parents now deflect all home maintenance issues as the jaded rantings of an aggressive city slicker.
With its dating follies, lowered standards, and that drunken 2:00am phone call to my ex-boyfriend, there’s a lot of things that aren't so great about being single.
But if dating is a battlefield, your Single Girlfriend is your Major Winters. A stylish symbol of sisterhood, she'll guide you like a beacon through the trenches. This wondrous wing-woman can be counted on to spot a wedding ring from 50 yards, flirt with the bald friend, or put you in a cab at the end of the night with strict instructions for the cab driver to take you to your apartment and your apartment only.
While your coupled girlfriends circulate complaints about their relationship (which you'd best not have an opinion on,) unsolicited dating tips, and those fun-free dinner invites with her and her guy (when you prayed the sangria was strong enough for you to drink yourself into a blackout,) your Single Girlfriend is a tough love distributing bestie who will be honest about your career, why not to invite your boss to Happy Hour, and how no one has really gained weight on the Pill since 1967. She'll touch up your eyeliner, wash the wine stains off your shirt, or field a phone call from Gram-Gram when you’re loaded.
So raise a glass, send a text, and thank God, Allah, or Ilaha the Syria mountain god, for your Single Girlfriend!
