Wanna get high?

By far, the most common running question I'm asked is: What does a running high feel like?

So, full disclosure to newbie runners, part of what makes the running high so special is its elusiveness. Not every jog around the block is going to be a magic carpet ride of euphoria. The reality is, it's a million times more likely you'll feel each of the following sensations ten times over before you'll ever experience a runner's high:

• The Dehydration;
• Midnight soreness;
• Swamp shoe;
• Explosive chaffing;
• Inappropriate sweating; and/or
• Visceral instability.

But once you've earned your stripes, imagine that you're about three-quarters of the way through your daily run when suddenly, you notice a growing feeling of elation. Your legs feel a little stronger, your pace a little quicker. You feel like you could run another mile, another 10 miles. The sidewalk clears as the greatest song in the universe comes on your iPod. The Running Gods nod their approval. Each stride is enhanced, you're no longer a runner, you're a warrior. And is that, is that Olympic Gold Medalist Usain Bolt cheering you on?

U. Bolt: "Excellent form lady runner!" 

That said....

Proud Mary

Left a good job in the city
Working for the man every night and day
And I never lost one minute of sleeping
Worrying 'bout the way things might have been

~Creedence Clearwater Revival, Rolling On The River

Banged

Sober Self: "Wake up, you whore!"

Drunk Self: "Wha? What's goin' on? What time is it?"

Sober Self: "Look at my hair! What did you do last night?"

Drunk Self: "Shhh. It's early, come back to bed."

Sober Self: "Get up! This is an emergency. What happened?!?"

Drunk Self: "I just...cut your bangs...or whatever. It's cute."

Sober Self: "It's not cute."

Drunk Self: "You look like Audrey Hepburn."

Sober Self: "I look like Marie Osmond." 

Drunk Self: "Well, haters gonna hate."

Sober Self: "I have to go to work like this."

Drunk Self: "God, if you don't like it, just pin it back or something. You're such a bitch in the morning."

Sober Self: "What was that??"

Drunk Self: "You heard me."

Sober Self: "That's it! We're going running."

Drunk Self: "Wait! Wait, I'm sorry. Why don't you just lay down for a few hours and then we'll figure this hair thing out together."

Sober Self: "Too late, get dressed."

Drunk Self: "I'm going to puke on your new running shoes."

Sober Self: "You better, you had four Long Island Iced Teas last night. Do you know how many calories are in those?"

Paranoid Parrot

Welcome to my World