Banged

Sober Self: "Wake up, you whore!"

Drunk Self: "Wha? What's goin' on? What time is it?"

Sober Self: "Look at my hair! What did you do last night?"

Drunk Self: "Shhh. It's early, come back to bed."

Sober Self: "Get up! This is an emergency. What happened?!?"

Drunk Self: "I just...cut your bangs...or whatever. It's cute."

Sober Self: "It's not cute."

Drunk Self: "You look like Audrey Hepburn."

Sober Self: "I look like Marie Osmond." 

Drunk Self: "Well, haters gonna hate."

Sober Self: "I have to go to work like this."

Drunk Self: "God, if you don't like it, just pin it back or something. You're such a bitch in the morning."

Sober Self: "What was that??"

Drunk Self: "You heard me."

Sober Self: "That's it! We're going running."

Drunk Self: "Wait! Wait, I'm sorry. Why don't you just lay down for a few hours and then we'll figure this hair thing out together."

Sober Self: "Too late, get dressed."

Drunk Self: "I'm going to puke on your new running shoes."

Sober Self: "You better, you had four Long Island Iced Teas last night. Do you know how many calories are in those?"