Monday, December 9, 2013

Santa Pause

Nowadays, Santa's actions would be classified as criminally insane.

However, as children we're told that once a year—while we're asleep, mind you—a colorful, omnipresent lunatic is welcomed into our homes and allowed to punish or reward us for our actions. How exactly does Santa determine what's considered naughty or nice? And what kind of quality control does he have for this alleged list of his? Checking it twice? That's less than the number of times I checked my cell phone while I was writing this post. 

Why is a poorly dressed, largely unemployed madman with an animal fetish and an elf internment camp responsible for determining the moral integrity of the gift receiving community? This isn't a Christmas Tale, it reads more like the plot of an episode of Investigation Discovery.