"I am fighting God. Fighting the limitations he gave me. Fighting the pain. Fighting the unfairness. Fighting all the evil in me and the world. And I will not give in. I will conquer this Hill; and I will conquer it alone." ~George Sheehan
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Insomnia and Me: 5 Things I've learned before 5:00am - Part XI
1) Searching for a creative Halloween costume idea? I like the "Freudian Slip."
2) I am not clairvoyant.
3) Why is a raven like a writing desk? Spoiler alert: it's not.
4) I like my sugar with coffee and cream.
5) The Voynich Manuscript is a detailed 240-page book written in a language or script that is completely unidentifiable. It's theorized that the the language is a "peculiar double system of arithmetical progressions of a multiple alphabet" or the author wrote it after I'd had a few glasses of wine.
2) I am not clairvoyant.
3) Why is a raven like a writing desk? Spoiler alert: it's not.
4) I like my sugar with coffee and cream.
5) The Voynich Manuscript is a detailed 240-page book written in a language or script that is completely unidentifiable. It's theorized that the the language is a "peculiar double system of arithmetical progressions of a multiple alphabet" or the author wrote it after I'd had a few glasses of wine.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Debt Feeling
If you're like me, words like "disaster," "crisis," and "fiasco" are only used after I've attended an open bar work function.
It's a little know fact that every statue in DC is subject to a powerful ancient enchantment activated by a primordial spell.
They will then fully animate and proceed to rummage through the pockets each WMA resident until the coffers are full.
Since October 17th is really a soft deadline for impending financial doom, it's fortunate we have such an effective back up plan. Like a parachute that opens on impact.
But they've been tossed around a lot this October. So much so, it seems Republicans don't know the meaning of the word fear. But then they don't know the meanings of most words. Sure, they're getting a little carried away, the problem is it's never far enough.
But I'm not concerned. After all, our founding fathers foresaw an abundance of potential congressional fuck ups and took precautions against them.
It's a little know fact that every statue in DC is subject to a powerful ancient enchantment activated by a primordial spell.
Amici nostri adversarii, insaniunt sicut Republicanas hatters. Habent orationis impedimentum pes eorum. Scio jus non vidi partis ire off hoc cursu cum Shackleton expeditione. Nunc autem excitaret homines et protegam civitatem nostram!
[Friends, our Republican adversaries are mad like hatters. They suffer from a speech impediment, their foot. I know right, I haven't seen a party go this off course since the Shackleton Expedition. But now awaken men and protect our city!!]
They will then fully animate and proceed to rummage through the pockets each WMA resident until the coffers are full.
Since October 17th is really a soft deadline for impending financial doom, it's fortunate we have such an effective back up plan. Like a parachute that opens on impact.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Rule of Thumb
My mom recently lost her half her thumb in a lawn mower accident.
Post accident, the entirety of the family descended on Western North Carolina bearing sympathy, food, and an arsenal of thumb related humor, that hopefully my mother will continue to enjoy long after the Oxycontin wears off.
A CSI style recreation of the crime scene determined what had happened: while mowing the field, she slipped on the steep hill and the still-running, blade-swirling lawn mower ran over her hand. At that point, she calmly picked herself up, went into the house, and called 911 as she created a makeshift tourniquet out of a towel and a tie. Following a generous swallow of whiskey, she then walked down our mile long, unpaved, rural driveway to meet the EMTs when they arrived.
As she waited, my parents' dog Lady, a cocker spaniel-beagle mutt whose skittish deposition often leaves her prone to panic attacks, stayed by her side the whole time, even trying to jump into the ambulance with her.
While my parents' other dog Andrew, a Great Pyrenees purebred whose breed is specifically known for their protection and loyalty, immediately fled the scene to escape to the barn where my dad found him hiding hours later.
The breakdown of thousands of years of animal care-taking instincts aside, we've slowly come to accept that the Spicuzzas have dropped below the national TPF average (thumbs per family).
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| She still hitchhikes, but she only gets halfway home |
A CSI style recreation of the crime scene determined what had happened: while mowing the field, she slipped on the steep hill and the still-running, blade-swirling lawn mower ran over her hand. At that point, she calmly picked herself up, went into the house, and called 911 as she created a makeshift tourniquet out of a towel and a tie. Following a generous swallow of whiskey, she then walked down our mile long, unpaved, rural driveway to meet the EMTs when they arrived.
As she waited, my parents' dog Lady, a cocker spaniel-beagle mutt whose skittish deposition often leaves her prone to panic attacks, stayed by her side the whole time, even trying to jump into the ambulance with her.
While my parents' other dog Andrew, a Great Pyrenees purebred whose breed is specifically known for their protection and loyalty, immediately fled the scene to escape to the barn where my dad found him hiding hours later.
The breakdown of thousands of years of animal care-taking instincts aside, we've slowly come to accept that the Spicuzzas have dropped below the national TPF average (thumbs per family).
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