Thursday, October 21, 2010

30 Minutes or Less

So I'm driving home the other day when suddenly there’s pizza delivery guy tailgating me.  Tailgating me in a completely over-the-top, practical-joke-level way. Since we're driving in my neighborhood, which is an upstanding residential area, and being a peacemaker I pull over to let him go by. When given the option to pass me like a gentleman, he chooses instead to gun it around me.

And again, this is a neighborhood, an area with sidewalks, children, strollers, and free-range kittens. Being a pillar of the community and not wanting to see my neighborhood's roadways ravaged by a pepperoni-scented maniac, I follow him to where he is making his delivery. I calmly exit my vehicle and rationally explain to him the ways in which his driving affects the safety of those around him.

He disagrees with my assessment and scrambles away to make his delivery. But I know I must unhold the integrity of my community's infrastructure. So, I steal the keys from his car and relocate them into the nearby bushes.

Although there was a mild traffic disturbance caused by the tow truck that came to collect his vehicle the following day, a community had been saved.

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