Wednesday, May 4, 2011

False Starts

Over the past few months no one's been more surprised than me by the handful of halfway decent posts I've managed to produce.

But even Barry Bonds doesn't a hit home run every time. While some posts received praise such as "insightful," "hilarious," and "readable," others, like the Wright Brothers' 1901 Glider, didn't quite make it off the ground.

But rather than delete these moderate musings, I celebrate this collection of semi-coherent conjuring. Among my favorites:
  • A dissertation I hoped to develop that would reveal the true identity of Jon Benet Ramsey's killer. 
    Abandoned when: the project required an amount time spent researching child murder rate statistics that I'll describe only as "too much."
  • A comparative analysis of the Nature versus Nurture debate. Abandoned when: I realized I'm so staunchly Team Nurture I could only visualize Nature bent over a table with a gag ball in its mouth.
  • A multi-pronged conspiracy theory involving the office cleaning staff stealing the peanut butter I keep in my desk drawer each night wherein the cleaning staff symbolized corporate America and the peanut butter my dreams. 
    Abandoned when: A close friend advised me that it was really, really stupid.