When I turned 30 and received my key to the kingdom of relationship insights — you'll know more when you get there, I'm not really supposed to talk about it — I finally understood why so many people spend their twenties in relationships that are less successful than Donald Trump's presidency.
Our twenties are quite possibly the worst time to seek out a romantic partner. When we're in our twenties, we are actually terrible judges of our own character. But ask any twenty-something and they'll tell you how they're smarter than the average person. And harder working. More mature and pragmatic. Less likely to panic in a crisis. And a better driver.
By your thirties, both you and your potential mate, will have had a few real world experiences under your belt to give you a better sense of the person you truly are. It's likely you've dealt with a profound personal or professional setback; or the death of a loved one; or a serious health issue; or been dishonorably discharged from your position as office safety monitor because following the 2011 earthquake rather than lead a group of lawyers to safety, you ran for the hills to save yourself while shouting, "I'll see the rest of you in hell!"
Once you've established this heightened sense of self, your dating sensor becomes equally honed and highly sophisticated. Sorta like that computer screen lens thing the Terminator used.
You're able to instantly analyze the data received from a potential dating partner and calculate the likelihood of a successful union. For example:
*Wham Wham* Sorry about that.
It will still occasionally malfunction. Which I tried to explain to that judge, but he went ahead and charged me with eleven counts of lewd conduct anyway.
Our twenties are quite possibly the worst time to seek out a romantic partner. When we're in our twenties, we are actually terrible judges of our own character. But ask any twenty-something and they'll tell you how they're smarter than the average person. And harder working. More mature and pragmatic. Less likely to panic in a crisis. And a better driver.
By your thirties, both you and your potential mate, will have had a few real world experiences under your belt to give you a better sense of the person you truly are. It's likely you've dealt with a profound personal or professional setback; or the death of a loved one; or a serious health issue; or been dishonorably discharged from your position as office safety monitor because following the 2011 earthquake rather than lead a group of lawyers to safety, you ran for the hills to save yourself while shouting, "I'll see the rest of you in hell!"
Once you've established this heightened sense of self, your dating sensor becomes equally honed and highly sophisticated. Sorta like that computer screen lens thing the Terminator used.
You're able to instantly analyze the data received from a potential dating partner and calculate the likelihood of a successful union. For example:
Hipster skinny jeans + PBR + misuse of irony
= MISMATCH
Popped collar polo shirt + hair gel + douchey sense of entitlement
= MISMATCH
Suit and tie + piercing blue eyes + aura of education
= TOUCH PACKAGE TOUCH PACKAGE TOUCH PACKAGE TOUCH PACKAGE TOUCH PACKAGE TOUCH PACKAGE—
*Wham Wham* Sorry about that.
It will still occasionally malfunction. Which I tried to explain to that judge, but he went ahead and charged me with eleven counts of lewd conduct anyway.
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